After thousands of years of wondering, ‘are we alone in the universe?’ our questions have finally been answered. We here at CRAVE have broken into Area 51, rummaged through the national archives, and infiltrated the FBI, CDC, NSA, and LMFAO to bring you THE TRUTH about our contact with aliens from outer space.
But did you know that our goverment has had contact with multiple alien civilizations? That’s right. There’s not just one single race of skinny green guys, there’s hundreds. And each of them have chosen to mark the planet earth in their chosen way. THE CROP CIRCLE
This week at CRAVE we offer you our official scientific breakdown of each of these alien signs. Suck it, M. Night!
1. Alpha-Centuri Species 1342
This race of Aliens come from a planet of mushrooms that shoot fire into the sky, powered by strong circular turbines at the base of each mushroom. They have come to earth because they are sick of being stained daily by the giant killer ‘shrooms.
2. Species LV-629
These Aliens are pushy, bossy, and generally unclean. They are said to come from “The New York” of the universe.
3. Species Draco 86.
In this Alien’s homeworld, it is customary to give a hula-hoop to anyone with a club and a sizeable erection.
4. Species Firefox 5692
These Aliens have fled their homeworld due to crappy boot-time and lousy software updates.
5. Species Galactus 4697
These Aliens are the most violent and predatory in nature, however we can defeat them by turning into ghosts.
6. Species Aries 82
This Alien species promotes a healthy fiber-filled diet to help you take sizeable dumps.
7. Species Virgo 819
This Alien race comes from a planet with lush natural irony deposits.
8. Species Alpha Centauri 93
Every single Alien on this planet is the dumbest-motherf*cker that ever lived.
CRAVE ONLINE is watching YOU.
