Much of a man’s life is devoted to dreaming of having sex with women seemingly out of his reach, so I’ve made a handy little guide to help you out when you’re clutching at straws. Here are the do’s and do not’s of attracting girls who are out of your league.
DO: Tell jokes.
Girls love jokes, don’t they? Every time you read FHM or Maxim there’s always an interview with an attractive woman where she explains how she’d much rather have a funny boyfriend than a handsome one. You may think that’s just something they say to make themselves seem attainable to the average Joe, but if that’s the case, then why are Brad Pitt and George Clooney stuck in boring, committed relationships while Seth Rogen’s out there probably living the carefree bachelor’s life and probably indulging in non-committal sex with Italian supermodels?
DON’T: Wear your crippling social anxieties on your sleeve.
Girls like a bloke who’s vulnerable in a Jeff Buckley/Kurt Cobain kind of way, not in a “talking to new people invokes panic attacks” kind of way. If you find yourself within close proximity of a girl exponentially more attractive than you and feel compelled to strike up a conversation with her, asking her if she’s enjoying her evening and offering to buy her a drink are both viable mating rituals – breaking into a cold sweat and fainting are not.
DO: Dress well.
Being of average or below-average attractiveness means that you’re going to have to put in some extra effort in order to stand out from the crowd. Think of yourself as an unwanted gift; a pair of socks, perhaps. The person who’s receiving the gift will probably be disappointed when they open it, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be nicely wrapped. Buy some nice shoes, a new shirt and stick an adorable decorative red bow on your cheek, then wait for all the sex you’ll inevitably be getting.
DON’T: Be too self-deprecating
Everybody loves being around a guy who can make fun of himself, but no one loves being around a guy who’s on suicide watch. While making the odd joke at your own expense may come across as endearing, turning to a girl and saying “I’m so overweight and physically unappealing that no one in here tonight is likely to have sex with me, ha ha!” might be overdoing it a bit.
DO: Make up for your losses
While the appearance of a person is often the biggest weapon in their arsenal when it comes to the dating scene, if you’re lacking in that department then why not use some of your other personality traits, such as your intelligence, your sharp wit or your relentless ability to make everyone else around you feel better about themselves?
DON’T: Appear intimidated
You know that this girl is prettier than you and she knows that she’s prettier than you, but you don’t want to make it known to her that you know that she knows that you know, you know? Don’t awkwardly shuffle towards her, attempt to shake her hand with your sweaty, nervous palm and then choke on your own tongue – stride confidently towards her, embrace her like you’re the hero of an action movie after saving the planet, and then whistle for your noble steed to come carry you into the mountains where you’ll make passionate love under the light of the moon. Or introduce yourself and then make small talk with her. It’s your life, I’m not telling you what to do.
