Relationships. They can be scary. They can be especially scary if your girlfriend is a demon. With Tuesday’s release of The Last Exorcism Part 2 on Blu-ray and DVD, we started thinking about the 10 ways you can find out if that is the case.
During the middle of intercourse, your girlfriend will often inform you that “your mother sucks ***** in Hell,” thus dampening the mood somewhat.
When you think of flexible women, you think of sexy gymnasts putting their feet behind their head, or lifting their legs up improbably high. Unfortunately, your girlfriend is flexible in that she can spin her head around 360 degrees and crack her limbs out of their joints, before crawling along your ceiling like a spider.
When you asked your girlfriend where her parents were and she replied “plotting the Earth’s demise from the bowels of Hell,” you thought she was joking. Now you’re not so sure.
At first you thought that it was nothing more than a coincidence that your girlfriend’s eyes appeared red in all the photographs you took of her, but since you took a close-up photo of her on your iPhone and could vaguely make out Satan’s face in one of her pupils, you’ve started to have your suspicions.
Rather than calling your girlfriend in order to ask her if she wants to meet up, you instead have to read Latin verses from a giant, dusty book with a pentagram painted on the front of it in blood.
No matter how much perfume she douses herself with before attending a wedding, your girlfriend always ends up smelling like an open fire as soon as you enter the church. When you questioned her about this, she informed you that she doesn’t like churches very much, but that doesn’t really account for that BBQ chicken scent being emitted from her pores.
She has told you that she is “not an animal person,” but when she first came into your apartment your cat threw itself out of your kitchen window, so you think that the feeling might be mutual.
When you told her that you thought birthmarks looked cute, she showed you hers. Unfortunately, it was the number “666” inscribed behind her left ear.
Her occupation is “Possessing Unwitting Humans” and her hobbies include “watching my boyfriend while he sleeps” and “drinking the blood of children.”
When your girlfriend first brought up sacrificing virgins, you thought it was a joke. You didn’t really get it, but you don’t really get Jeff Dunham, either, and his stupid puppets sell out stadiums. However, you’ve now come to the conclusion that she probably wasn’t joking when she said that she was going to “bathe in the blood of a pure soul.” You still think Jeff Dunham is crap, though.
