TV Guilty Pleasures # 14: 'Baywatch'

Remember the ‘90s? All the fun, bright, neon-colored clothes, the omnipresent overalls, and people spouting catch phrases like dawg, dope, and fresh? Even if you don’t remember that bodacious decade, its lovely sense of fashion seems to be back with a vengeance, so you can check out pretty much any clothing store to refresh your memory. The ‘90s weren’t just denim and tight catch phrases, though, as it brought us a ton of cheese-tastic shows like the unbelievably popular beach drama, “Baywatch.”

Men and women in bathing suits, muscled beach bodies, slow motion running scenes…I can’t imagine why “Baywatch” would fall under the guilty pleasure category. Oh, but surely those aren’t the reasons why millions of people tuned in every week, right? Everyone viewed “Baywatch” for its compelling stories of heroicism and top-notch actors… or at least that’s what they claimed, but that’s about as true as saying that you watch porn for the acting. “Baywatch’s” popularity stemmed from two things: over-the-top, cheesy drama, and slow motion sequences of men and women running in their bathing suits.

“Baywatch” survived for a whopping 11 seasons! Despite being canceled after the first season, the Hoff-man himself (David Hasselhoff) and the creators believed they had struck gold with the lifeguarding show and fought to bring it back. The result: two-hundred and forty two episodes of swimsuit-clad bliss, and that’s not including the wildly unsuccessful spin-off series “Baywatch Nights.” The show revolved around a team of lifeguards saving people from sharks, drowning, earthquakes, serial killers, nuclear bombs, and killer beach balls and surfboards…you know, beach stuff. And while the killer beach balls and surfboards are plot points I made up as a joke, the rest of those things are real story lines for “Baywatch.”

While the plotlines wildly vary in terms of seriousness and realism, one constant throughout is Mr. Knight Rider, Mr. “I’m so drunk I’m going to eat a cheeseburger off the floor, but I’m really big in Europe” himself, David Hasselhoff. You can see him looking so young and shirtless, exposing all those defined, chest hair-covered muscles! He plays the leading role of a divorced father and lifeguard Mitch Buchannon. Hasselhoff sticks it out for ten of the eleven seasons before finally saying enough is enough and calling it quits in the very last season of the series. Despite leaving before the show was finished, few people have as much love for “Baywatch” as the Hoff. After all, he even agreed to star in “Baywatch Nights.”

Hasselhoff’s not the only recognizable, ripped actor to portray a “Baywatch” lifeguard, though he is one of the best actors on the show… which isn’t hard when you’re trying to out-act Playboy Playmates. Now, I’m not saying that women who’ve been in Playboy can’t act, I’m saying that these ladies were probably hired for everything but their acting skills. Same goes for most of the men too. When you have a show like “Baywatch,” it’s understandable if casting priorities shift a bit. Part of the appeal is the good-looking cast, and the showrunners kept a revolving door of hotties coming in and out, changing the cast more often than a baby’s diaper (with the exception of a few key characters). One of those exceptions includes Playmate Pamela Anderson, who has one of the longest running characters outside of Hasselhoff. Other Playmate lifeguards include Erika Eleniak, Carmen Electra, Marliece Andrada, and Donna D’Errico.

The show didn’t forget about giving some male-flavored eye candy- there are plenty of hunky dudes who’ll get your appetite stirred. One notable hunk is a very clean-cut, very young Jason Momoa (“Game of Thrones”). He joins the cast when the show gets moved to Hawaii in the last two seasons; and, while he’s still in great shape, he seems so small compared to his current massive physique.

Some of the supporting roles and extras are some surprisingly recognizable faces. Wee, baby eleven-year-old Mila Kunis shows up in two episodes as different characters. One very “Hot in Cleveland” beauty, Wendy Mallick, plays Mitch’s ex-wife. And, Machete himself, Danny Trejo, shows up in a few episodes. You never know who you’ll see with such a large cast- over 11 years they’ve had to find a ton of extras to rescue from tragedy.

I think we’ve pretty well established how guiltily pleasurable this show is just based on its cast, but let’s not forget about the cheese-er-ific musical montages and the overly dramatic rescues. Every episode has at least two musical montages of one of the characters laughing, playing on the beach, riding a wave runner, etc. Two per episode! I guess they got tired of writing all that clever dialogue. And the small water rescues that happened each episode ranged from “okay, it looks like they really need help, they’re drowning,” to “umm, they fell off their surf board and were swimming just fine when you freaked out and jumped in to save them.” These overly dramatic rescues are good for a laugh, and provide some much-needed slow-motion running time.

If you’re not convinced to give “Baywatch” a try, or to go back and revisit it after all of the above then…I just don’t understand. It’s corny, it’s got slo-mo jiggling, and it’s got eleven seasons and a couple of made-for-TV-movies. If you’re in the mood for fun in the sun and sexiness in the sand with a nice balance of cheesiness and mindlessness, turn on “Baywatch.”