When you were a kid you probably dreamed of going to a magical place like Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory to see how all your delicious treats were created. I got to do something like that. I got to go to Austin, Texas and witness Fleshlight doing a molding of a porn star’s vagina and butthole. If you’re not familiar with Fleshlight, or if your girlfriend is reading this over your shoulder and you have to pretend not to know what one is, it’s a lifelike replica of a hoo-ha you can use for solo sex sessions. They have ones created in the likeness of just about every big name in porn, but you have to wonder how much it’s truly based on her actual lady business.
Let me assure you, it’s on point.
Eva Lovia was the star getting molded on the day I was there. We all sat around in a big, mostly empty room with a hospital-style chair on one side along with a bunch of supplies that looked like your garage during a home improvement project.
It was Eva, her boyfriend, the two vagina molders, Fleshlight’s PR director Amanda, and myself in the room. They told Eva we were ready to get started, which meant she needed to engorge her labia to get the proper look for the molding. I’ve never had a job that required anyone’s labia to be engorged, so we’re off to a great start. She was given a magic wand and started…prepping?
Once she was, er…stimulated they took some photos of her vagina on what I would assume is a camera roll that you certainly couldn’t have developed at Walgreens.
They measured it, and then started applying the plaster-substance to get the exact mold. Their material is designed to be nearly identical to the feel of human skin and when it’s heated is supposed to feel completely realistic. Eva has to remain still for around 25 minutes, so one of the Fleshlight guys held up one of her legs while her boyfriend held the other. It was a little quiet in the room, so I turned on a Rihanna playlist, which instantly makes any situation better, in my experience. Especially when it comes to vaginal moldings.
They’d check the molding the same way you’d check a pan of cupcakes in the oven. You know, if those cupcakes had an engorged labia.
The molding came off and was an exact replica of all of her situation. She took a short water break and rolled over for the next phase: her butthole! Lucky for her, there’s nothing to engorge, so she just had to get as comfortable as you can get while someone photographs and pours plaster onto your butt.
The guys mixed up another concoction after taking photos and began applying it. You’d be shocked at how casual the whole process is. It’s simply business as usual.
As chill as it was, I was lucky enough to have a photo taken of me during the molding that was posted on Fleshlight’s social media pages. I look like a creepy janitor that wandered into the wrong room and thought, “Well, well, well, what have we here? A butthole? I certainly need to document this with a few quick photos that I’ll print out and hang in my den of nudity later today.” Seriously, I look completely terrifying.
And now it’s time to mold that #booty! @MissEvaLovia pic.twitter.com/HOnToUwMjC
— Official Fleshlight (@Fleshlight) May 6, 2015
The molding was applied and we just sat around and chatted for a bit, like it was just a group of co-workers gathered around a water cooler and not a naked porn star.
The guys told me they’d done a male porn star molding the day before and in order to do the mold, the dude has to get and maintain an erection while sitting or standing there for 25 minutes. I don’t even like to stand for 25 minutes. One guy they had molded a while back had to be scaled down a little because he was six and a half inches in girth and nearly twelve inches long. You may hear that and think he’s a lucky guy, I hear that and think about how difficult it must be for him to find a pair of shorts he can wear in public without going to jail.
The butt molding came out perfectly and they’ll send it over to the sculptors who will combine the photos with the mold to create a nearly identical replica to her actual body.
So is Fleshlight an accurate replica of the star’s parts they claim to capture? Absolutely. This isn’t some generic template with a different name on each one. These are crafted with precision and skill. They’re the best for a reason and obviously that reason is they post pictures of me hovering over porn stars with a camera phone looking like someone who wears turtlenecks in the middle of summer and smells stranger’s hair on the subway.
Thanks to the Fleshlight team and to Eva Lovia for letting me hang out. I’ll be sure to forward them all your inevitable requests for a molding of myself as soon as possible. Haha right? Right? Anybody?
Here’s a little #BTS action from our photo shoot with @MissEvaLovia, our newest @DPxxx Fleshlight Girl! pic.twitter.com/RYXIklFfwt
— Official Fleshlight (@Fleshlight) May 7, 2015
