More Oscar Stuff

Here’s the teeth-clenchingly annoying 29 year old, Katherine Heigl, looking like the 45 year old chain smoker she is. She smokes American Spirit, the only 100% organic tobacco cigarette, because I guess she thinks that inhaling natural smoke is better than other smoke. Here’s a hint: It’s smoke. I’m sure when the fireman tells you to crawl on your stomach it isn’t because of the additives.

Diablo Cody was hours away from winning the award for “Best Achievement in Pretentious Crap”, but it looks like she had the foresight to dress the part. My neighborhood could be under nuclear attack and I could still manage to pick out an outfit better than this.

Can’t we just all agree that Daniel Day-Lewis should win an Oscar every time he makes a movie? Instead of showing pictures of the other nominees for Best Actor in those little squares, they should have shown sock puppets. It would have basically been the same thing (no offense Johnny).

Perhaps the greatest mystery of the night was why Jessica Alba was invited to the Oscars. That’s like inviting a turtle to a dog show. Look, we’re glad you could make it and all, but please know that you will never go home with anything other than unrealistic expectations or a script that calls for your t-shirt to get wet on page 4.

Marion Cotillard is cute and likes to get naked on camera, so that automatically qualifies her for any acting award. This a little known fact about acting, but perky boobs can really bring out the emotional depth of a female character. *cough* Jessica Biel *cough*

Update: By request, some nude screencaps of Marion’s work. (Click thumbnails for larger NSFW images.)

I know looking like a dude is Tilda Swinton‘s thing, but would it kill her to pretend she has a vagina once in a while? Way to glam it up for the big night. I’m surprised her acceptance speech didn’t start with, “Attention people of Earth!”

katherine-heigl-oscars

5 Questions about Captain America: The Winter Soldier

How Big is The Falcon’s Role?

The Falcon is a less than prominent comic book character whose biggest claim to fame is that he was the first African-American superhero in Marvel’s menagerie. Anthony Mackie plays The Falcon in The Winter Soldier, and I think we’re all curious to see what this updated version of the character will be like. Will he be an influence on Captain America’s acclimatization to the modern world? Will he be an ally? And, most importantly, will he be welcomed into the Avengers?
Will The Black Widow Be Explored?

This is the third film to feature The Black Widow, and while we know she’s a capable spy who can beat up a room of men while still tied to a chair (and there’s certainly nothing fetishistic about that), I feel that we don’t know a terrible amount about her past, her true nature, or the crux of her character. She has been a supporting player so far, and I can’t be the only one who wants to see her really grow into a more dynamic human being with a past, rather than be a pretty woman in a tight outfit.
Will Cap Take to the Modern World Well?

The most interesting part of the Captain America story has yet to be addressed (even in The Avengers) and that is how a man raised in the 1940s will take to the world in 2014, having missed the interim half-century. What does he think of civil rights? Of disco? Of the Iraq war? Of Star Wars? Sure, the international conspiracies and Winter Soldiers will drive the plot, but these little character moments are what can really fill out the good Captain.
How Will this All Play in to the Infinity Gauntlet?

Ever since the stinger at the end of The Avengers, the Marvel movies have been pointing toward the ‘90s crossover event The Infinity Gauntlet, which will likely be the theme of The Avengers 3 in several years’ time. We’ve already seen some of the Infinity Gems (now called Stones) and they exist in a weird cosmic/magical milieu that doesn’t seem to fit with Cap so well. I’m curious to see how they’ll tie in an Infinity Gem/Stone with what promises to be a Tom Clancy-type sociopolitical thriller. And if they do incorporate a Stone, how graceful will it seem? It was acceptable if not 100% smooth in The First Avenger. Maybe they’ll handle it more deftly here.
What’s the Tone Like?

We can hear all kinds of rumors as to events and characters to appear in upcoming superhero movies – and we’re right a lot of the time – but something we have to see the movie to understand is what the film’s overall tone is like. Is it broad a comedic, mildly satirical, or steely and serious? Comic book movies have always had a careful line to walk when it comes to tone, balancing between something realistic, but no so realistic that the colorful costumes and outlandish sci-fi weapons seem out-of-place. Sometimes the tone is just right (as in Iron Man) and sometimes it feels a little off-balance (I may be one of the only people who thought Thor was a little lopsided). Let’s hope it’s steely and Tom Clancy-ish without being too serious. This is a comic book movie after all; it needs to be at least a little fun.