Sophia Bush showed up to Fashion Week in NYC and when he saw her, my penis did that thing where he giggled then punched me in the arm, because he thinks she’s the most freakin adorable thing in Hollywood. She makes me want to learn calligraphy so I can write her love letters that I read to her while she’s eating chocolate strawberries in the rose petal and champagne bath I made for her. Of course, then I’d bend her over a couch and use her hair as reins, too, but then it would be out of love you see. I’m so romantic!
Disclaimer: This article contains mentions of cannibalism and sexual abuse. Reader discretion is advised. In a recent Instagram video, Armie…
