Miranda Kerr, Candice Swanepoel, and Alessandra Ambrosio celebrated the 15th anniversary of the Victoria’s Secret Swimsuit Catalog yesterday, and it doesn’t even matter that they weigh 125 pounds combined. My penis weighs 4 pounds so this works out pretty well for me. All I have to worry about with them is Red Bull and Starbucks. If Christina Hendricks saw my penis there’s a good chance she’d pull out a pack of buns and some spicy mustard. Out of her purse of course. Because that’s where she keeps them, you see.
Disclaimer: This article contains mentions of cannibalism and sexual abuse. Reader discretion is advised. In a recent Instagram video, Armie…
