Your personal trainer’s watch vibrates when he should lift heavy, based on his biorhythms. Your girlfriend? She’s got a wristband that tracks the fuel points she’s earned. And the 28-year-old senior system administrator at your office hasn’t taken off his Google Glass in over a year. What a senior system administrator actually does, along with the difference between these clip-on computers, a total mystery? Read on, luddite friend, and we’ll clue you in.
The Calculator Watch
The idea of wearing a computer on your person became mass-marketed back in the ’80s, with the calculator watch ushering in a new era of tech fashion. But we’ve come a long way since then; ditch your Casio and come along for the ride. From $24.95.
Pebble
The next generation of the calculator watch is the Pebble, which really ushered in the feature-rich wrist screen of today. Check emails and texts, download apps to track your fitness and control your music without reaching for your phone. This is great for runners who hate carrying anything more than a pair of keys and a watch. From $150.
Nike+
Nike’s been in the activity tracking game since early days, and has multiple gizmos in market. If you’re anti-accessory, but need a little motivation to pick up the pace when you go for a run, try downloading the Nike+ Running app, which will help you track your distance, pace and calories, as well as encourage you along the way (for free). This is the evolution of the old chip-in-the-sneakers tech from years back.
They’ve also been in the band business for the past two years; the Nike+ FuelBand is worn just like your old Casio, but rather than only being good for displaying ‘55378008’ upside-down and storing your nonexistent landline number, this guy tracks total body movement. They invented their own unit of measurement so as to capture total body movement rather than just steps or calories, and you can set goals – prepare to underwhelm yourself even more than usual. From $99.
FitBit & Jawbone UP
If your parents are already in on the craze, they’re probably rocking FitBits or Jawbones. If not, thank me for working out the next birthday present that’ll get them out of the house. There’s a FitBit the size of a quarter (the 2014 version of Mom’s original pedometer), or one that can clip on to your clothes. Both companies also do bands. Whereas Nike’s offerings are geared towards challenging you to be your most active self, the FitBit and Jawbone UP record your physical output, but also measure your sleep patterns (hence the utility for older folks, who mostly use their beds for … sleeping). FitBit from $59.95; Jawbone UP from $79.95.
Shine
As the functionality behind wearable tech improves, so does its sense of fashion. A company called Misfit developed a tracker called Shine that measures all (and we mean all) of your physical activity – from bed to the bathtub (seriously, this thing is waterproof), and from an ultra-adaptable interface (it looks like a silver dollar, which you can clip on, keep in your pocket or board shorts, or wear as a watch or necklace). From $99.
Google Glass
Probably the most forward-thinking of the bunch, but the one that’ll leave people convinced you’re a douche, is the Google Glass. Use it to do the things you’d normally rely on your phone for (texting, listening to music, and taking/sharing photos and videos), as well as using activity-driven apps (get a critique of your golf swing, navigate your bike or running route, and track your weight training), and all the things you rely on Google for (maps, searches, and cheating at pub trivia). Once there’re more of them out there, and the design becomes less obtrusive, that senior system administrator might actually be proven right – but until then, feel free to call him a Glasshole.
