If we’re being honest, Instagram is pretty much the worst. If you think Facebook is bad for people pretending to live perfect lives, you haven’t traveled over to IG to see an endless stream of brags, flaunts and selfies … upon selfies upon selfies. Don’t worry, there’s still time to change your ways. Here are 18 things you need to stop posting on Instagram.
1. The Bathroom Selfie
It doesn’t matter how great you look, if you’re standing next to a toilet I’m going to be staring at it wondering if it’s clean or not. Plus if you’re at work, I’m sure your boss is going to be thrilled to know you’ve stopped worked 8 times to post a photo shot in the bathroom while Karen, the pregnant lady in accounting, has been standing outside the door in agony because a baby is pressing against her bladder.
2. 800 Hashtags on Every Picture
Just a heads up: No one can read what you write when there’s a hashtag in front of every single word. Hashtags are used to find pictures by a keyword. Do you really think it’s necessary to hashtag your selfie with #Hanging #Out #Tonight? Who is possibly searching those keywords?
3. A Selfie With So Many Filters It Looks Like a Ghost
If you need multiple layers of filters before you can post an image of yourself, maybe just don’t post that picture?
4. Blurry Concert Pic
We’re all thrilled you went to see Jack Johnson in concert, but that blurry shot of an arm waving in front of a blur of lights probably isn’t the best way to convey your experience and joy.
5. 20 Pictures in a Row of a Concert
OK, WE GET IT: YOU’RE AT A CONCERT. If we cared to see that much of the concert, we would have just gone to the show ourselves.
6. 20 Pictures in a Row of Anything
If my Instagram timeline looks like you made a flipbook on it, I am unfollowing you and calling the police.
7. The Sun
Believe it or not, we all have access to this celestial treat at any time, so you don’t need to post any photos of it unless you’re an astronaut.
8. A Screenshot of a Post from Twitter or Facebook
I liked that joke you posted on Twitter. I liked it a little less when I read it again on Facebook. I hoped you fell down a flight of stairs when I saw a screenshot of the Facebook post and tweet on Instagram.
9. The Downplay
Is there anything worse than when someone posts, “Oh no big deal, just …” and then reveals that they’re in Scrooge McDuck’s coin vault or getting a piggyback ride from Obama? It may be even worse when they act the same way because they saw a swimming pool or ate at Olive Garden.
10. Food That Isn’t Mind-Blowingly Amazing
You can stop posting pictures of your Subway sandwich. We’ve seen them. Also your homemade soup looks like the contents of a colostomy bag.
11. The Wing of an Airplane
My, how poetic. Next can you post a picture of you staring out a window while it’s raining and you look like you’re trying to figure out if you should follow your heart or chase your dreams?
12. Screenshot From a Phone with a Low Battery
If your battery is below 10%, I won’t focus on anything else in the photo. As a matter of fact, I won’t focus on anything because I’m having a panic attack.
13. Screenshots of Texts with Your friend That Only Makes Sense to You and Your Friend
“This is SO us.” Haha, it is. Can you keep it that way?
14. Boobs with a Caption Claiming It’s Not About Boobs
If you want to post your boobs, then by all means, go for it. However, if you post a close up of your boobs busting out of a bra with the caption “New watch” you’re not fooling anyone. Just write “Dem titties” below it and call it a day.
15. The Spoiler
If you post a spoiler to a movie or TV show on any social network, you’re the devil. But if you post a photo of a person that died on a show with a RIP caption right after it happens, everyone that DVR’d it will hunt you down and harm you.
16. Latte Foam in the Shape of a Heart
Unless the face of Christ manifests in your latte, you’re not going to show us anything we haven’t seen a thousand times before. Just drink your dumb $8 coffee.
17. A Professional Photo with a Casual Caption
If there was a professional lighting crew, you’re not allowed to add #nomakeup or #ILookTerrible. You wouldn’t post it if you think you look terrible. Scram, you fisherman of compliments.
18. A Starbucks Cup
Yes, we’re all very familiar with their product. Thanks for sharing.
