Photo: FOX
When it comes to our lazy, couch-driven lives, there exists a number of virtual assistants who can wait on our beck and call, but only two female voices ring true in our minds: Siri and Alexa. While both are relatively new to our lives, Siri seems to have a bit of an OG placement on our phones, whereas Alexa is the new girl on the block. But one thing is for certain: These two cannot coexist. So who’s it going to be?
We’re taking you through the virtual assistant love matching game, modern tech gauntlet of medieval brutality (only in terms of honesty) to find out which of these two gals is the girl for us. Is it going to be Apple’s firstborn, Siri, or perhaps the Amazon’s adopted algorithm, Alexa? We break it down into categories with anything from how they are in the car to how well they hold a conversation, sass and sexy talk, as well as musical taste and reliability. By the end, we’ll have to pick one, but deep down we both know that, no matter what, we’re terrified they have the ability to burn our lives to the ground.
Alexa VS. Siri: Who Is The Girl For You?
For another modern battle, go deep with: Netflix vs. Hulu: Who Has the Better Original Programming?
Siri vs Alexa
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Intelligence
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Siri: Corrects your grammar in front of other people.
Alexa: Knows more than what she's saying.
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Conversation
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Siri: Thinks she's the funnier of the two of you.
Alexa: Not the best listener, having to repeat yourself several times before she gets the question.
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Sass
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Siri: Has a smartass answer for everything
Alexa: Knows what you're going to say before you open your mouth.
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Wife Material?
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Siri: Sometimes sends you to rough neighborhoods to teach you never to cross her.
Alexa: Good at remembering to set the alarm.
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How Girly Is She?
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Siri: Sometimes has a man's voice.
Alexa: Really good at online shopping. Maybe too good.
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In The Car
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Siri: Won't stop interrupting guitar solos with obvious questions.
Alexa: Uses up all my fucking data.
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Attention Span
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Siri: Asks questions while I'm in the middle of talking.
Alexa: Way too good at tweeting.
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Musical Taste
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Siri: Just pick a fucking song already!
Alexa: No hesitation, but chooses Bryan Adams every time.
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Making Plans
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Siri: Has no problem giving me a list but won't tell me the best one.
Alexa: She'll talk about the weather for days if you don't shut her up.
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Noteworthy
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Siri: Sometimes can't tell her ass from a hole in the ground.
Alexa: Excellent at Rock, Paper, Scissors. Can't translate Spanish for shit.
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The Winner? Not Cortana
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So who do we choose? Honestly, we think we'd be much better off staying single. But Cortana is more likely to fart and disappear into the cold, black abyss.
