Every time you step into an Uber, you’re putting your life in the hands of a stranger. For the past eight years, hundreds of millions of people have been doing just that by getting in and out of random cars all over the world to get where they need to go. And every year, an average of 11 people die in the process. Death by accident or death by incident…there’s not just one way to die by way of Uber. So next time you hitch a ride on the popular ride-sharing app, heed these 10 surefire signs that your Uber driver might kill you, and you can avoid climbing right into the clutches of your own death cab.
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Uber Driver Might Kill You
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Your Driver Is Legally Blind
There's fresh blood spatter on the hood and your driver pulled onto the curb looking like Ray Charles. Obviously, you have a ton of respect for how the man even found your location, but do yourself a favor and cancel that ride.
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Classical Music Is Playing as You Enter the Vehicle
You slide into the backseat to the sounds of Bach's "Fugue in D Minor" playing at a respectable volume. Slide your ass out. Your driver is a serial killer and is planning to eat you for dinner.
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Your Driver Is a Literal Demon
Keep an eye out for demon-y behavior as ghouls and such like to cruise busy neighborhoods on Saturday night. If you notice smoke coming out of ears, unnaturally red eyes, and horns of any type, get out as fast as you can. And leave a really good tip.
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The Car Has Clearly Been Involved in Several Accidents
Whether it's a shitty car or a nice car treated like shit, the condition of your potential chariot can be a telltale sign as to the abilities of your driver. It's not worth losing your life just to save yourself a few minutes to the taco truck and back. Unless they're closing soon.
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There's a Jumbo Bottle of Hand Sanitizer
We're all about preventing the spread of germs, but there's something seriously creepy about a too-large bottle of hand sanitizer chilling astride the center console. This is a red flag. We don't know exactly what it means, but we also hope to never find out.
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Your Driver Is a Screen Junkie
Your driver has been searching for the perfect emoji ever since you got into the car. Save yourself from becoming another casualty of road collision by Army-rolling from the car as soon as it slows down to make a turn.
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Your Driver Should Be at Home Sleeping
If the car keeps swerving between lanes and you sense your driver just got off a double shift and is trying to make ends meet by moonlighting for Uber, consider taking control of the wheel. The man is probably exhausted and will most likely drive off a bridge into a swamp of hungry crocodiles as soon as you round the next corner.
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There's a Picture of You Hanging From the Rearview Mirror
We know it's super flattering for anyone to be that into you, but your secret admirer has been planning to kidnap you and lock you in her bomb shelter for weeks. Unless she's the cool kind of stalker, why risk it?
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Something's Off About the Vanity Plate
If the vanity plate says something like "Ur Next," "MurderU," "Junkie1," or "KillCab," you're probably better off just hoofing it through tramp town rather than hitching a ride with "Bundy74." Not to mention, "death by Uber" would be such a shitty epitaph for your Wiki page.
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He Wants You to Drive
Of course, in this day and age, you want to be understanding and not jump to conclusions about other people, but there's a 50-50 chance this guy is planning to strangle you from the backseat with his shoelaces. Living rude is slightly better than dying polite. Probably.
