Like a lot of things we once took for granted before the coronavirus pandemic, getting a haircut used to be easy. You walked into a barbershop and said what style you wanted. Or, you showed a picture of your girl’s celebrity crush. Then, you sat back and let them work. The only exception was if your barber talked your ear off. Even worse was when they asked you a question or tried to sell you an overpriced CD of their acoustic Tekashi 6ix9ine cover band. Like, how do you even answer without messing up the fade? Also, we don’t really want the person holding a blade a few centimeters from our carotid artery to be multitasking.
Alas, the risks of getting a haircut today are much worse than exposure to bad music. Some states are letting barbershops open. Unfortunately, having someone breathe directly on your face for an hour seems like a great way to spread a respiratory virus. Like us, many folks don’t want to risk it for a haircut. But what if your tresses are so long they pose a fire hazard when your smoke weed? If you’re considering shaving your own head as the solution, here’s a list of 12 things to consider before going all lawnmower man on your own dome.
Cover Photo: RyanJLane (Getty Images)
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DIY Haircuts
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Can you get electric clippers?
The COVID-19 pandemic caused many normally easy-to-get items to become hard to come by. Before deciding on getting the old Jean-Luc Picard, first make sure you can actually get a good electric razor.
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Can you trust your friend?
If a friend is helping you shave, are you sure you can trust them? If not, you could be vulnerable to some major pranks.
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Accidentally going all Van Gogh?
If you can’t find an electric razor but still decide to chop off your locks, make sure you’re very careful with them pokey things. As a wise film writer once typed, it’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.
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Is a haircut the best use of those scissors?
If a civil war breaks out in the U.S., you may need those scissors to keep your neighbor from eating you. This is especially true if you live next door to Alex Jones and use a butter-based body wash.
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Do you have an ugly skull?
When it comes to physical attractiveness, not every look works for every person. Before making your head shine like a bowling ball, make sure you don’t have a skull that looks like a football or a toaster over, or if you do, just love yourself the way you are.
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Do you own cool hats?
If this is your first time shaving your hair, make sure you have plenty of hats. Not only will they protect your head, but they’ll also give you a way to cover up all the bloody nicks and secretly implanted CIA mind control devices.
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Are you ready to put sunblock on your dome?
The skin on your head can get sunburned. Before exposing you cranium to the sun’s poisonous light, make sure you’re prepared to give your head that new car glow with a fresh application of sunblock.
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Have you considered how your girl would feel?
Your girl probably loves you just the way you are, or at least tells you that. Before turning yourself into a Michael Chiklis lookalike, make sure your girl is into egg heads.
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Are you ready to reveal your history of traumatic head injury?
Hair hides the bumps, bruises and major traumas marring our otherwise perfect domes. Since head injuries can cause major brain problems, including turning people into serial killers or churchgoers, make sure you’re not revealing too much.
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Do you have fresh razors?
If you’re serious about cleaning off your cranium, then definitely make sure you have a fresh pack of new razors. Dull or rusty blades are a great way to infect your skull, which actually holds some important stuff, you know?
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Should you never cut your hair again and become a hermit?
Many wise people in the past decided society just wasn’t worth the trouble, leaving society and its ideas of personal grooming behind. Given how awful things are at the moment, maybe now is a good time to consider going all hermit.
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Are you experiencing male pattern baldness?
If you’re losing your hair up there and don’t know what to do, a clean shave may be your best option. If you do make the decision, you probably won’t regret it, but make sure you’ve reviewed this list thoroughly just in case you might.
