Photo: wundervisuals (Getty Images)
St. Patrick’s Day, especially as you age, can be more fun in theory than in actual practice. We get amped up for weeks leading up to the big day, we take off work, we stock up on Guinness, Jameson, and pounds of corned beef. But are we really ready for everything that is sure to happen on this booze-filled, marathon of a day? Probably not.
Sure, when you’re in your early twenties (and you still might be if you’re lucky), you don’t really need much of a plan besides remembering to drink a glass of water here and there. Everyone else, if they plan to be awake past noon, needs an elaborate, complex, unflinchingly thorough plan. Otherwise, it’s all over. But fear not, you don’t have to spend the next day or two figuring out a plan of action and then creating a PowerPoint presentation to remind (and hype yourself up) on the morning of the 17th.
That’s because we did it for you. Keep scrolling (and remember to take notes or simply print this out) to see everything you need to know to have the safest drinking time on by far the least safe drinking day of the year.
St Patricks Day Plan
-
Eat a real breakfast.
Instead of hopping out of bed and grabbing a piping hot coffee flavored with Bailey’s, have a real breakfast first. We’re not talking about a granola beer either. Line your belly with a heavy breakfast. Trust us, you’ll be glad you did.
-
Drink water early and often.
It should be pretty basic, but the older you are, the more susceptible you are to hangovers and pretty much feeling like crap after a few wobbly pops. That’s why water is the most important liquid you’ll drink all day. Don’t forget it unless you want your day to be shorter than you hope and wake up with a raging, monster of a headache.
-
Make a plan even if you don’t stick to it.
You don’t need to make a spreadsheet like you’re at work, but you should plan where and when you’re going to specific bars and pubs. You don’t have to stick to the plan, but it’s a lot easier than yelling back and forth in a crowded bar about where to head next.
-
St. Patrick’s Day is a marathon.
As they say, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Think of St. Patrick’s Day like a bar crawl because ostensibly that’s what it is. Don’t start off chugging green beer and drinking shots out of leprechaun shoes because it’s going to be a long day. Start slowly and enjoy yourself.
-
Dance like nobody’s watching.
If there’s music blasting (and there will be) get out there and dance your green-covered butt off. Don’t worry who sees you. Not only is everyone Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, but everyone is also likely at least half as drunk as you.
-
Don’t overstay your welcome.
If your plan actually works and you’re able to stay out longer than anticipated, don’t overstay your welcome. If others are waiting for a table or a spot at the bar, don’t be a dick. Things can get really congested on St. Patrick’s Day and everyone is trying to get a beer.
-
Don’t pee in the street or on a building.
It might be difficult, but definitely try not to pee outdoors if you’re going bar hopping in a big city. Just because a police officer is more concerned with the crowd, that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t love to give you a ticket (or worse) for public urination. Hold it until you can find an actual bathroom.
-
Have fun and get home safe.
The most important thing is to have fun, sing as loud as you can until you lose your voice, dance like an idiot, and drink a ton of Irish stouts and whiskeys. But, when all is said and done, don’t try to drive home. Have a designated driver, get an Uber, or walk home.
