Just when Americans thought 2020 and 2021 were incredibly awful years, 2022 came rolling and was all like “hold my beer.” Russian dictator Vladimir Putin decided to invade Ukraine, gas and food prices are higher than Snoop Dogg on 420, and elementary kids are getting slaughtered in schools while our spineless leaders continue to simp for the NRA. It’s a good thing recreational marijuana is becoming legal in more states since we surely need it.
Since nobody in Washington cares about accountability or facts, the two parties just go back and forth blaming each other. While President Biden and some Democrats in Congress have had the courage to call out the greedy oil companies for gouging in their one last hoorah before we convert to electric cars, right-wingers just scream at Brandon for making them pay to drive their lifted big-boy trucks. Sure, the Consumer Price Index is at a 40-year high, but then corporate profits, especially big oil, are also at a 50-year high.
But while our useless leaders scream at one another and corporate media makes up shit to make the opposing side look bad, Americans are left to wonder just how the fuck they’re going to drive down the block without having to take out a second mortgage. Indeed, staying at home is now a thing of choice these days, as opposed to the lockdowns of 2020. This has many Americans devising strategies to offset the cost of pretty much everything and still afford gas. That said, we at Mandatory have come up with some creative ways to pay for expensive gas.
Cover Photo: jhorrocks (Getty Images)
creative ways to pay for gas
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1. Sell Your Organs
If you're not critically ill or elderly, then why let one of those kidneys just hang around inside of you? Put that organ to work and sell it for gas money.
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2. Sell Your Baby
Why wait for that kid to grow up to make money off their talent for sports? Make a quick buck now by selling your newborn for gas money.
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3. Start an OnlyFans
You pretty much cannot go on any dating site without being bombarded with OnlyFans solicitations. That said, why not start one yourself and put your bod to work for some gas money?
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4. Donate Plasma
This is actually a pretty practical idea but not one everyone wants to do it. But if you really want to leave the house more than once a week, consider donating plasma for gas money.
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5. Start a Bottle Return Scheme
Seinfeld taught us the merits of the bottle buyback system that some states in the United States employ. So follow Newman and Kramer's lead and start depositing those bottles littering the streets.
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6. Donate Sperm
Granted, this is only something available for men, but it's a fun and creative way to help pay for gas.
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7. Sell Your Eggs
Just like donating sperm was a fun and creative way for guys to get gas money, women have the opportunity to make serious bank for gas by selling their eggs.
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8. Enter a Hot Dog Eating Contest
Summer is here and that means it's time for Americans to consume frakenmeats. So maybe there's a hot dog eating contest with a cash prize you can enter, which will help you pay for expensive gas.
