Let’s face it: tall guys get all the breaks. They get more respect, they don’t care when someone sits in front of them at the movie theater, and supermodels were genetically built just for them.
Now there’s help for the vertically challenged—and while it can’t help you when Lurch grabs the seat in front of you at the theater, a new line of shoes promises to add 3 full inches to your height, delivering all the benefits of the vertically endowed, without anyone being the wiser.
Yeah, we know what you’re thinking: Elevator shoes? Can’t everyone tell you’re wearing them? Aren’t they clunky and awkward, like something Frankenstein wears when terrorizing villagers? Not these shoes. Because these shoes are made by Jews.
Before you start dialing the Anti Defamation League—the name of the company that makes them is Shoes By Jews. We’re not sure if this is supposed to mean Jews are short or just great cobblers, but either way, the company spent years perfecting a way to give you height, without adding bulk or making it as obvious as a Trump comb over.
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Instead of just an oversized heel, like you’re wearing some strange boot/shoe hybrid, or an insert that can slip out of place or wear down, there’s a permanent lift hidden inside, and the back of the shoe is raised up, to save you the embarrassment of accidentally sliding out of them. The top of the shoe is also slightly raised, to give you the extra room you’ll need without cutting off circulation. But overall, because of the ingenious design, just looking at them no one would ever know they were the reason for your sudden gain in stature.
Shoes By Jews come in four styles, made for both work and play, and deliver an added 2.5 to 2.7-inches, depending on the style you choose.
Are they cheating? Unethical? Maybe. But we think everyone should grab any edge they can get. Just think of it as a padded bra for short guys.
MSRP: $122-$199
