Here we are again, folks. Another year, another CraveOnline Manly Man Awards ceremony… with ceremony in this instance meaning “a silly article you can read on the internet.”
It’s been another rollercoaster year with plenty of notable events, some of which you may have already forgotten about. That’s what the Manly Man Awards are here for – to remind you of all the shit that’s happened this year that has been pushed out of your brain box due to other shit being pushed in.
Without further ado, here’s our Manly Man Award winners of 2014.
The “Astonishing Lack of Self-Awareness” Award
Winner: ‘The Fappening’ creator
When a hacker obtained nude images of celebrities ranging from Jennifer Lawrence to Kaley Cuoco via Apple’s iCloud, a Reddit user swiftly set up a subreddit titled ‘The Fappening’ in which users could share and distribute said images among one another.
Read More About This Story
Unfortunately for the Redditor, he found himself coming under fire from the media for his actions, leading him to start up a Reddit AMA (ask me anything) session in which he complained about invasions of his privacy, all of which had taken place after he had uploaded naked photos of unwitting women to the internet. Needless to say, his lack of self-awareness reached almost jaw-dropping levels.
“I decided Thursday that I wouldn’t delete my [Reddit] account and if the press wants to send me thru the ringer, so be it,” he cried. “I won’t be bullied into silence.”
Photo: Getty Images
The “Most Ill-Advised Use of a Movie Quote” Award
Winner: The Academy for “Genie, you’re free.”
We’re not saying that the Academy’s heart wasn’t in the right place when, following Robin Williams’ suicide, they tweeted a photo of an iconic scene from Disney’s Aladdin accompanied by the quote “Genie, you’re free,” but its head certainly wasn’t in the game.
Essentially glamorizing suicide, the Academy’s tweet was subsequently shared over 300,000 times and mimicked by other Twitter and Facebook users, causing many of us right-minded folk to stare in open-mouthed disbelief.
The guy suffered from a debilitating mental illness and took his own life. That isn’t a fairy tale ending.
The “We Weren’t Expecting This Film to be That Good” Award
Winner: Guardians of the Galaxy
The pre-release trailers suggested that Guardians of the Galaxy would be the black sheep of the Marvel film family. While the characters are well-known to comic book fans, many movie-going audiences would be forgiven for not knowing who Star-Lord or Groot were, but that’s all changed now thanks to director James Gunn pulling it out of the bag and delivering one of the best comic book movies ever.
Read About Star-Lord’s Visit to a Children’s Hospital
Guardians of the Galaxy hit the spot on most levels, from its thrilling action sequences to its silly sense of humor, and who would’ve guessed that its most popular character would prove to be the one portrayed by pro wrestler Dave Bautista, who delivered an hysterically deadpan performance as Drax? It’s been called this generation’s Star Wars, and that’s a statement that is difficult to argue against.
The “Is This Still Happening?” Award
Winner: Gamergate
Back in August the “Gamergate” movement reared its head after indie developer Zoe Quinn was alleged to have had relations with video game journalist Nathan Greyson. Since then, it has made its way into national news headlines, dragged a number of non-gaming personalities into the mix, seen feminist commentator Anita Sarkeesian (pictured above) forced to cancel an appearance at a university after a student threatened to stage a school shooting and saw the term “Social Justice Warrior” become an established part of the internet’s lexicon.
Considering the wishy-washy nature of the internet, it’s more than a little surprising that 4 months later, Gamergate is still a thing that is happening. From the outside looking in, it seems like a battle that will only end when all parties involved finally lose interest. But when will that happen? Who truly knows. What we do know, however, is that Bloomberg Business Week has attempted to capitalize on the whole affair with this hilariously awful front cover:
Just what exactly is happening there? Who knows. What we do know, though, is that video games are fun, and we’re going to keep having fun while playing them.
A toast to fun!
The “Legitimately Beneficial Trending Topic” Award
Winner: The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge
Not many people knew about ALS prior to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, but pretty soon it was the topic on the tip of everyone’s tongue. Viral campaigns usually stand to do nothing other than frustrate, but the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge helped raise millions of dollars towards research into the terrifying disease, and though there were a number of detractors who made it abundantly clear they were sick of seeing the videos pop up on their Facebook feeds, the campaign did an overwhelming amount of good thanks to backing from celebrities and members of the public alike.
Watch the Most Popular Viral Challenges Ever
If you haven’t already seen it. the above video does a great job of showing just how awful ALS is, and why the Ice Bucket Challenge was so important.
The “Most Discussed Portion of the Body” Award
Winner: The ass
2014 was truly the year of the ass. If it wasn’t Nicki Minaj telling large-bootied women to “fuck those skinny bitches,” it was Jennifer Lopez trying to resurrect her flagging career by touching butts with Iggy Azalea or Kim Kardashian’s attempt to “Break the Internet” by rubbing her rump with baby oil.
Watch the Most Controversial Celebrity Videos Ever
Everybody jumped on the ass bandwagon this year, and we know at least one man who was happy about it…
The “Progress to Disappointment” Award
Winner: Michael Sam
Michael Sam became the first openly gay NFL player back in May when he was named as a St. Louis Rams draft pick, and every forward-thinking person rejoiced as it was made clear that the sport was finally displaying a progressive attitude when it came to the treatment of homosexual players.
Considering that Sam came out back in February, before his professional career had even started, it was a major risk for the 24-year-old hopeful. But talent prevailed, and Sam was selected by the Rams as the 249th draft pick, making NFL history in the process.
But then the former SEC Defensive Player of the Year was eventually dropped by the Rams before he made it out of the training camp, though the Dallas Cowboys quickly swooped him up… before they dropped him, too.
It’s now unclear where the future lies for Sam, though he has stated that he will “continue to fight” to prove that he can “play every Sunday.”
Photo: Getty Images
The “OH GOD MAKE IT STOP” Award
Winner: ‘Let it Go’
Our ears can’t take anymore. Please, make it stop. Make this madness end. Let this travesty leave our ears and minds. Let this nightmare end. Let it go. Let it gooooo…. Can’t hold it back anymore! Let it go! Let it go! Turn away and slam the door!
Fuck you, Disney.
The “Is This What We’re All Really Annoyed About?” Award
Winner: Matt Taylor’s shirt
The internet isn’t happy unless it’s getting itself worked up over something, and Matt Taylor found himself on the receiving end of this resentment when he wore (an admittedly shit) shirt whilst discussing the landing of the Rosetta satellite on Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko.
Such was the furor surrounding Taylor’s (again, shit) shirt that he made a public apology about it, in which he broke down in tears. This guy, who contributed to a mission that could have potentially changed what we know about space and our coming to be in this universe, suddenly found himself in the media spotlight not because of his work, but because of his poor choice in fashion, with many claiming that the shirt could potentially contribute towards burgeoning female scientists being discouraged from pursuing their vocation.
Listen to the Creepy “Singing” Sound Has Been Recorded on Rosetta’s Comet
The internet hivemind’s penchant for knee-jerk reactions has been known to ruin lives more often than not, and Taylor was clearly left at the end of his tether by the immense amount of vitriol his shirt had inspired. The (still shit) shirt, which features an abundance of semi-clothed women, was not seen as being simply a “bad shirt,” but rather as emblematic of the deep-rooted sexism in science as a field. Now, no one in their right mind would consider that this was the message that Taylor was trying to put across, and most would agree that it was simply an ill-advised move. But the amount of reactionary debate that surfaced, reaching a pinnacle with The Verge’s “I don’t care if you landed a spacecraft on a comet, your shirt is sexist and ostracizing” (which sounds like satire until you read the bulk of the piece and realize it isn’t) was blown out of all recognizable proportion.
Matt Taylor was a guy who wore a (still definitely shit) shirt at an inopportune moment, but reading comments online would have led you to believe that he was the ringleader of sexism within his field. Pure madness.
And the Manly Man of the Year Award Goes to…
Winner: Chris Pratt
Chris Pratt is fucking everywhere. In 2014, he’s been legitimately omnipresent. Look at a billboard, he’s there. Watch a movie, he’s in it. Watch a TV show, he’s either starring in it or you’ll see a commercial in which he’ll pop up. The world can’t get enough of Chris Goddamn Pratt, and as such it only seems fair that he should be given this prestigious* award.
We like Chris Pratt as much as the next guy, and he proved himself to be a wise-cracking action hero for the digital generation (we make ourselves gag just saying that) in Guardians of the Galaxy. Soon he’ll be starring in Jurassic World, too, alongside a bunch of other films in which he’ll probably play some goofy, handsome guy who the girls want to date and the guys want to go for a beer with. Eventually there will probably be a sub-genre of film titled ‘Chris Pratt.’
Yes, Chris Pratt is everywhere, and now he’s right here in the Manly Man Awards.
Chris, you’re CraveOnline’s Manly Man of 2014. Is that better than starring in a Marvel movie that pulled in over $600 million worldwide? Yes. Yes it is.
Photo: Getty Images
*Prestige of award is debatable.
