Cat on NFL Football Field Scores Touchdown, Miami Dolphins Desperate to Recruit This was his moment. Throughout his entire life, he’d been told that he couldn’t do it, that he wasn’t big…
Meanwhile in Florida: Man Arrested After Having Sex With Stuffed Animals In Target; Expected More, Paid Less The stuffed animals did not consent to this.
With Pay Phone Booths Gone, Superman Struggles to Find a Place to Change Superman has been retired thanks to the tech revolution that made phone booths extinct.
Iowa Woman Killed by Explosion at Gender Reveal Party, Still Unlikely the End of These Terrible Parties As if we needed another reason to oppose gender reveal parties: now they're fatal.
Elon Musk to Replace Tesla Horns With Farts and Goat Noises (And Our Job Making Jokes Has Been Done For Us) Horns are overdue for a sound upgrade, but Elon Musk has taken it too far.
Weird News: TSA Finds ‘Like 20 Bags’ of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in Woman’s Luggage, Claims It’s Not Easy Being Cheesy Those passengers will be fighting over that middle seat.
Mind-Reading Device Calms You Down For Only $150, Says Guy Who Never Smoked Weed You could buy the latest self-care gadget...or you could just roll a joint.
Justin Bieber Removes Wife’s Wedding Garter With Sexy Beaver Teeth Move, Hundreds of Young Beliebers Expected to Be Hospitalized for Terminal FOMO Well, that's one way to remove a garter.
Weird News of the Day: Bill Murray Applied for a Job at P.F. Chang’s Bill Murray has a backup plan in case his acting career doesn't work out.
Bold Apple Strategy Threatens to Take Away Your Internet If You Don’t Upgrade Upgrade or go analog. These are your only options according to Apple.