The 2016 presidential race is really heating up, with four main hopefuls (sorry John Kasich) left. Aside from the normal political hot button issues, we also like to focus on how these candidates fare in the Twitter world. Here are 25 of the best tweets about Ted Cruz.
“MAH MINDS TELLIN ME NOOOO! BUT MY BODYYYY! MY BAWDAYYY’S TELLIN ME YA-Ya-ESSSSS”
— X (@XLNB) March 23, 2016
Ted Cruz looks like you broke Ronald Reagan at a house party and only had 5 minutes to put him back together before your parents got home.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) February 25, 2016
I have never had sex with Ted Cruz but one time I sat on a big white pumpkin for like 4 minutes so same thing
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) March 26, 2016
Cruz is like the gentleman criminal you have release from SuperMax to stop the evil mastermind.
— Daniel Foster (@DanFosterType) February 2, 2016
“It is done,” Ted Cruz says post-coitally. “He is in you.” Her belly swells and ripples. An outline of Reagan’s face appears. She screams.
— Miss O’Kistic (@missokistic) March 25, 2016
this is the best election of all time. pic.twitter.com/iyEooz7EWi
— Elijah Daniel (@aguywithnolife) March 28, 2016
Honestly, the people searching “Ted Cruz is the best” are the ones we should be worried about pic.twitter.com/jPmCTq1jOl
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) February 19, 2016
The grossest mental image I can think of is an extreme close up of Ted Cruz’s lips as he generously applies Chapstick
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) March 31, 2016
ted cruz looks like an animorph got stuck halfway turning into a weasel
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) February 2, 2016
Ted Cruz is the bad guy in a movie who is brought down after revealing his evil plans & not realizing a microphone was on
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) March 22, 2016
Ted Cruz google search history:
how to get away with several murders over the course of many years
what is damn daniel— chuuch (@ch000ch) February 26, 2016
I don’t care if we discovered Ted Cruz’s wife was a meth whore turning tricks for nickels, nothing could be worse than being Mrs. Ted Cruz.
— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) March 23, 2016
What did Ted Cruz just eat off his face!? https://t.co/aftCTXo83i
— Adam Peck (@AdamReports) March 4, 2016
hi i’m ted cruz, definitely not three toddlers stacked no sir pic.twitter.com/WlRSO1f0MY
— nevona (@nevona) March 24, 2015
Ted Cruz looks like a jack o’lantern that’s still out on Nov. 5th pic.twitter.com/SFZQ1lCfu4
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) April 4, 2016
Ted Cruz is the kid in school who would remind the teacher there was homework due
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) February 5, 2016
movie fact: bill murray whispers “ted cruz is the zodiac killer” to scarlett johansson at the end of lost in translation
— adam (@burgerkrang) January 20, 2016
Ted Cruz is a bunch of silly putty stuck to the skeleton of a Salem witch trial judge who was killed in a fire lit by his favorite slave.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 2, 2016
.@tedcruz whenever I see the word ‘is’ I get spooked cuz it’s already halfway to isis. As president, what will u do to solve this
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) January 29, 2016
You can input whatever name when signing up for Ted Cruz’ email list so I made him sound like a 40’s bad guy pic.twitter.com/q9EKDVAjHk
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) February 26, 2016
guy: someones got a case of the tuesdays lol
ted cruz: ha ha that is a hilarious quip fellow human being. thus my human response is laughter— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) February 23, 2016
Ted Cruz seems like the kind of guy who types “https://t.co/i8VQUBLqfN” in the google search bar.
— Zack Pearlman (@ZackPearlman) March 1, 2016
ted cruz haveing a bad day on the campaign trail today pic.twitter.com/bND4hlsvkB
— TORMBLABLY PIACKEELS (@Tormny_Pickeals) March 26, 2016
JUNIOR SENATOR TED CRUZ
is an anagram of
TURN TO RUN. ZODIAC JEERS.Coincidence?!?
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) March 2, 2016
Ted Cruz is the physical manifestation of hearing your parents having sex.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 4, 2016
Related: President Barack Obama Reads Mean Tweets On Jimmy Kimmel Live
