Just like marriages, weddings can be pretty hit or miss. Have you ever been to a dry wedding? We say this with all due respect: Total disaster. These iffy propositions are already skating on thin ice, forcing us to fly to places we don’t want to go, dress in clothes we don’t want to wear, and dance to music we don’t want to hear. All so we can witness the union of two people we thought would never make it past the third date.
Now China is getting in on the global conspiracy to ruin our wedding fun by banning the time-honored tradition of newlywed sex games. What are these, you might ask? In cities like Zoupong, for instance, it would be fairly normal to witness a bride eating a sausage held between the groom’s legs or trapping the newlyweds under a blanket until they get naked.
While all this sounds like perfectly tasteful behavior for a day of holy matrimony, the over-sexualization of weddings within a sexually repressed culture has led to incidents of harassment and humiliation – and in some cases, serious injury. One game that spiraled out of control led to the groom being run over by a car, while many others led to the physical harassment of bridesmaids.
As urban culture begins shifting away from these trends, local governments are following suit, forbidding traditional games like tying up newlyweds with chains and stripping them to their skivvies. Under the circumstances, we totally get it.
Our suggestion is to do what all Americans do and act like perfect gentlemen at the bachelor party before having zero fun at the actual wedding. Just watch out for Aunt Judy hovering by the punchbowl, she’s a wildcard.
Cover Photo: ViewStock (Getty Images)
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