First dates are a tricky thing. On the one hand, you need to open up and share information about yourself so that your date trusts you and feels comfortable sharing with you. On the other hand, there’s some gnarly shit going on in your life right now that might scare your date away. We’re not suggesting you lie or keep secrets, especially if your date asks you directly about something, but you should discern what information is private – at least for now. Here’s your starter kit on when to hush up. These are the 10 things you should keep to yourself on a first date.
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Keep It To Yourself Date
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Your politics.
We know you feel the Bern. We're happy for you that you've found a professional liar (err...we mean "politician") to identify with. Just remember that not everyone has the same values as you, but that doesn't mean you can't have a great date with them. Sometimes, political animosity can even spice things up. But save that for future Thanksgiving dinner debates. Unless it's election night, talk about anything other than politics.
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Your religious beliefs.
Unless your religious doctrine forbids you from doing something specifically on this date (drinking, dancing, fornicating), there's no need to trot out your high and mighty morals for your Tinder match. Chances are, they won't be in your life long enough to challenge (or make you question) your beliefs, so you can lock those up in your pure little heart for now. It's between you and your deity.
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Your income (or lack thereof).
You should share what you do to make money (assuming it's legal) on a date. But your take-home pay should stay on the down-low. That you only have $36 in your checking account is nobody's business but yours...unless your drink tab surpasses that, in which case, you might want to try the "I forgot my wallet" excuse.
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How your last breakup went down.
Nobody needs to know that you cried like a baby when your ex-girlfriend broke up with you. Nor should you share why she dumped you (ahem, porn addiction). "We wanted different things" should suffice if you date insists on an answer.
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Your mental health struggles.
Hey, no one's mental health is perfect, but you don't need to parade every DSM-5 self-diagnosis you've made in front of your date. Disclosures of anxiety, depression, or any other affliction is on a need-to-know basis only.
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What your therapist says.
Good for you for taking care of yourself. Therapy is a huge quality-of-life booster and everyone should try it. But the last thing anyone wants to hear on a date is, "My therapist says..." By all means, keep listening to your therapist, but stop yourself from sharing their advice with someone you just met.
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Your STD status.
Congratulations on keeping up with your STD tests. You may indeed be clean as a whistle (or maybe you aren't and are managing it responsibly), but this really isn't first-date information (unless the date ends up back at your place). Save the STD talk until you're really ready to get naked, and no matter what your health report card says, use protection anyway.
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Your dysfunctional family situation.
After your mom died, your dad was so lonely that he tried to shack up with his sister-in-law. When that failed, he took in your second cousin, a meth head, to help him get clean. Now they're raising the meth head's son together. That's weird, all right, but it's not first-date conversation. If your date is any good and you end up in a relationship with this person, they'll get to meet all your crazy relatives eventually.
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Your failures.
It's good to acknowledge that you've fucked up and take responsibility for it, but there's no need for a laundry list of your personal fails on the first date. If all goes well and you become a couple, soon your better half be cataloging all your new fails for you.
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Your secret single behavior.
So you like to hide cold pizza in your coat, go to the movie theater to see whatever's new from the MCU, and sneak into a second feature (sometimes it's a rom-com) for free. That's what we call "self-care." As long as you leave feeling better, the details on how it happens are yours and yours alone.
