Photo: franckreporter (Getty Images)
Beards get a bad wrap. Aspersions like, hipster, wood nymph, and alpine slob are too often bandied about. But the truth is, ladies love beards. And they keep our faces warm. With so many ways to wear a beard, it can be hard to choose the right one. Letting it grow free-range will too often lead to a straggly hobo look that only flies in certain parts of Hollywood. The alternative is to cultivate a specific style that both frames your face and ups your dignified manliness without coming off as pretentious and unnatural.
But is there a place beyond pretension? A place where extreme self-grooming reaches new heights of glory and weirdness? Where the rules of nature itself are tossed aside like an empty Big Gulp? After all, sometimes a basic chin strap or tasteful fade no longer excites us. Sometimes we need to seek out and explore the ragged edge of what’s facially possible. For those men and these moments, here are the most fabulously weird beards of 2019 to inspire you on your next trip to the bathroom cabinet. Life is too damn short not to have the beard you want.
Take it to the next level: How to Make Your Beard Stand Out From the Rest
See what counts: 8 Essentials Every Respectable Guy Should Have On Him
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Weird Beards
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The Cry For Help
If you see this guy at the bar, please buy him a drink. He's having a rough year.
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The Dancing Octopus
On land or on sea, this beard attracts all the single ladies. It works especially well in aquatic night clubs.
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The Hydra Twizzle
Go from Viking to striking with a few simple loops of the hand. People will stare in awe at the tamed beast that is your face.
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The Hungry Hipster
Survival, meet fashion. Together you will do great things, like keeping hipsters flush with top ramen as they walk to the record shop for mime night.
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The Lady-Catcher
Try as they might, no lady can resist the unfiltered sexiness of this postal-shoulder-bag-circa-1998 look. Especially when you sprinkle some wicked air drums on top.
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The Magentic Aura
Much like Braco the Gazer, this beard need do nothing more than exist to bring joy to all who behold it. Swagger levels maxed out, bruv.
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The Milking Cow
Nurture and nourish the young lovelies with this two-pronged dazzler that makes a cow's udder look like a camel toe. Beard oil optional.
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The Pitcher's Pony
Great style can lead to winning at existence. Take a page out of this playbook for a shot at the World Series of life. Flipping the script on the man-bun never looked so good.
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The Shy Turtle
This new style is designed for the faint of heart. Fashion yourself a place to hide when the going gets tough, or when your sandwich order gets lost in the bustle of a busy lunch rush and you leave the deli empty-handed.
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The Windy Stranger
The most breathtaking example of bearded manliness, this flock of flamingos tethered to your face will surely win the love and admiration of your village (or incorporated township). This is a look that will not be denied.
